There's an owl that sits on top of the building that I live in. The owl is about two feet tall with Gray feathers and a White chest and he has pointy ears. Running down the entire length of his back is bird crap. Like 99% of everybody else in this joint, the owl is fake. He was purchased by the Federal Bureau of Prisons in an effort to keep pigeons from congregating on the roof and defecating down the side of the building. However, some pigeon decided to let the BOP know just how scared of this owl he really is. Apparently, somebody forgot that these are High Security pigeons living in a USP.
I lay in my bunk last night and thought about the owl. I feel for him. He's just an fake old prison owl that was probably purchased for some ungodly amount of money off of federalowls.com, but he was just minding his own business and not bothering anybody when somebody decided that they wanted to defecate all over him. I can relate to this.
All of the great religious tomes from the Bible and the Torah, to the Koran and the Tao espouse the belief that kindness is a virtue and that there is a karmic benefit to being a nice guy. Tell that to the owl. Then take a look at his backside and see where it got him.
How many times has somebody taken your kindness for weakness and dumped all over you? It's happened to me more times that I can count. In addition, every time that it happens, I shut down a little more and become a little more anti-social, and I wonder about my judgment and wonder how I could've perceived that someone who turned out to be rotten, was originally a good guy. Getting burned like this not only makes me feel dumb as an onion, but it also makes me cynical.
I live in prison though, and prison is filled with some of the most reprobate minds the world has to offer, and with people who are devoid of any type of decency. I understand that I deserve to be in prison, and I have no problem connecting the dots on how I got here, but at least I can trace the impetus of my previous moral deficiency to a medical issue: Addiction. When I treat the addiction, (see 'Don't Get High') , the morally deficient behavior goes away and I revert back to my normal self. My point is that I can trace my ventures into being a scumbag to a reason. "Reprobate" is not my normal state of mind (although you'd never convince the prosecutor of this). I blogged about this very thing in a blog titled UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES that was about my son and that's available on the Free Frye Fund as a "Pay For" post. Oh, and I'd like to thank the people out there who have purchased blogs via this fund (all three of you), and I'd like to give a shout out to Jose Pep who sent $20.00 to the fund for no other reason than to be kind. The world needs more air conditioner repairmen like you, Jose.
In the aforementioned blog, I used the example of getting somebody pregnant after a night of drinking and committing behavior while under the influence that you normally wouldn't commit in a sober state of mind. When you sober up, you're left with having to deal with that behavior for the rest of your life. That is a good analogy to my situation and the way that I feel. But not everybody who commits crimes and whose a lying slimeball can trace that behavior to being high or even to some type of mental illness. Some people do things just because they can and because their primary concern is themselves and what THEY want, and they're not concerned in the least of how it might affect the next person or how it might make them feel. Know anyone like this? These people look normal, act nice, smile and laugh, but in the end, they are merely parroting how they think good or nice people should act. These kind of people are akin to a Ferrari that has no engine. They look great, but there's nothing underneath the hood. Kind of like my ex. However, that's another blog.
Nevertheless, what's a person supposed to do to prevent themselves from becoming the owl...again? Are you supposed to completely shut down and stay to yourself and not make new friends or trust anybody? That's not how us humans are wired. It sounds good to say, and it even works for a time, but I always find myself letting somebody back in. I'll tell you something kind of sad. All of the meaningful conversations I have, and most all of the emotionally reciprocal interactions with humans that I have, come from people who are "Out there" and not "Back here." Moreover, I have to spend money either through email or the phone to have these relationships. Even then, I still run into people who lie and are insincere and running game. The difference is that I can delete them off of my email and/or not call them, but with the ones back here I'm forced to see them everyday. Forced to remember the last time they landed on my head and crapped down my back.
I don't care what the Bible and the Tao say; I think that being a nice guy is over-rated. If you don't believe me, just ask the owl. He'll tell ya.
Jeffrey P. Frye
3/5/14
I lay in my bunk last night and thought about the owl. I feel for him. He's just an fake old prison owl that was probably purchased for some ungodly amount of money off of federalowls.com, but he was just minding his own business and not bothering anybody when somebody decided that they wanted to defecate all over him. I can relate to this.
All of the great religious tomes from the Bible and the Torah, to the Koran and the Tao espouse the belief that kindness is a virtue and that there is a karmic benefit to being a nice guy. Tell that to the owl. Then take a look at his backside and see where it got him.
How many times has somebody taken your kindness for weakness and dumped all over you? It's happened to me more times that I can count. In addition, every time that it happens, I shut down a little more and become a little more anti-social, and I wonder about my judgment and wonder how I could've perceived that someone who turned out to be rotten, was originally a good guy. Getting burned like this not only makes me feel dumb as an onion, but it also makes me cynical.
I live in prison though, and prison is filled with some of the most reprobate minds the world has to offer, and with people who are devoid of any type of decency. I understand that I deserve to be in prison, and I have no problem connecting the dots on how I got here, but at least I can trace the impetus of my previous moral deficiency to a medical issue: Addiction. When I treat the addiction, (see 'Don't Get High') , the morally deficient behavior goes away and I revert back to my normal self. My point is that I can trace my ventures into being a scumbag to a reason. "Reprobate" is not my normal state of mind (although you'd never convince the prosecutor of this). I blogged about this very thing in a blog titled UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES that was about my son and that's available on the Free Frye Fund as a "Pay For" post. Oh, and I'd like to thank the people out there who have purchased blogs via this fund (all three of you), and I'd like to give a shout out to Jose Pep who sent $20.00 to the fund for no other reason than to be kind. The world needs more air conditioner repairmen like you, Jose.
In the aforementioned blog, I used the example of getting somebody pregnant after a night of drinking and committing behavior while under the influence that you normally wouldn't commit in a sober state of mind. When you sober up, you're left with having to deal with that behavior for the rest of your life. That is a good analogy to my situation and the way that I feel. But not everybody who commits crimes and whose a lying slimeball can trace that behavior to being high or even to some type of mental illness. Some people do things just because they can and because their primary concern is themselves and what THEY want, and they're not concerned in the least of how it might affect the next person or how it might make them feel. Know anyone like this? These people look normal, act nice, smile and laugh, but in the end, they are merely parroting how they think good or nice people should act. These kind of people are akin to a Ferrari that has no engine. They look great, but there's nothing underneath the hood. Kind of like my ex. However, that's another blog.
Nevertheless, what's a person supposed to do to prevent themselves from becoming the owl...again? Are you supposed to completely shut down and stay to yourself and not make new friends or trust anybody? That's not how us humans are wired. It sounds good to say, and it even works for a time, but I always find myself letting somebody back in. I'll tell you something kind of sad. All of the meaningful conversations I have, and most all of the emotionally reciprocal interactions with humans that I have, come from people who are "Out there" and not "Back here." Moreover, I have to spend money either through email or the phone to have these relationships. Even then, I still run into people who lie and are insincere and running game. The difference is that I can delete them off of my email and/or not call them, but with the ones back here I'm forced to see them everyday. Forced to remember the last time they landed on my head and crapped down my back.
I don't care what the Bible and the Tao say; I think that being a nice guy is over-rated. If you don't believe me, just ask the owl. He'll tell ya.
Jeffrey P. Frye
3/5/14